the geology of me (at least)

it's funny because the word resolution has multiple meanings 
and one of our glories as human beings is precisely this 
where our capacity to understand what was meant 
outdoes by far what was apparently sent

but sometimes it's not so hot 
and sometimes it hurts a lot 
when knowing well what was really intended 
undermines the secrecy with which one meant to convey 

the essence of the signs to hand:
for perhaps this is la la land not happy happy hollywood 
and the resolution wherein we understand ending 
is final in the sense of something more akin 

to a legal compliance of cold and shrugging shoulders 
and a terminology of delivering soldiers of life 
as further cannon fodder 
not the pleasures of neverending love

and so as i begin to sense you didn't choose me 
i hold no resentments or hatreds at all
because above all it is truer than true these days:
i love you now and more than when i could've in yesteryear 

and as i said in previous words 
this choice of years no longer hurts 
because although i'll never live again 
with other woman as future kin

it'll free me for sure 
if i survive my instincts for self-immolation 
in the 62nd year i have in common 
with earnest ernest himself 

to concentrate on my work:
a work i cannot judge more important than you
but that in your absence 
will become all-consuming for me

and so dear c and so be it:
your final resolution not mine at all 
goes clickety-clack and snappety-snip
as horse and trap down dublin streets 

and so just i guess one more thing to rhyme:
because although this ain't ever 
the case in my life 
and plenty more in time i'll surely write 

about the muse and beautiful person
who made me man and this is true 
where so many lifetimes lost with two other women
at such a terrible and awful cost 

had served only to dismantle my desire all told  
to show the world what's what about mil
i'd like instead to make my resolution true
but not to show you how much i might do

but rather to demonstrate 
never remonstrate 
how gentle i really can be:
for whilst i only wanted the best for you 

never the people around you or me it's true 
it wasn't out of a desire to break anything or anyone 
nor tumble any fragile house of cards
but simply because when one discovers the truth 

in what's what about someone (both another and oneself)
it's like a prospector panning for a gold suddenly filtered 
where it's impossible any longer 
to see life in different way 

and so that's what it was and that's how it's been 
because with you dearest c 
i've climbed the highest summit any man in love has ever seen 
and stood at the very top as foothills all around proclaimed 

showing as they did that in climbing back down 
to where mortals do reside in cities and towns 
and villages of kindly compassions
and expectations of mindful passions 

it just makes it easier for me to prove 
that all i have now for you (and for yours it's also true)
is a deep and abiding respect and affection 
where love may triumph and trump all
circumspection  

and only this remains as clear statement of fact:
i love your strong and clever sinews 
like only tradition is capable of renewing
and hope one day all our paths might cross again 

because if there's something true i've learnt from your countrypeople
and then again from others this year 
it's that only sensibilities can solve our problems 
and only by including everyone who acts in good faith 

can faith become 
a force of good again  
for this human race 
we all run uncertainly  

and so just as much 
in public and society's
i'd like to also assure you 
in our most private realms 

that i'm sorry to all of us i hurt as i have 
just sorry i say and just this i mean too:  
just all those beautiful words like this 
i begin now to feel 

never tolling like funerals
but only ringing out like weddings of joy  
no longer sensing hatred of the other
no longer wanting to fight sister or brother 

no longer caring 
what my father did to me
nor how your mother destroyed 
deliberately

my joie de vivre and ability to see
that womanhood didn't have to be cruel after all
and that now after everything that flooded my soul
what's left behind is that geology of me (at least)

where the tectonics of all of us do slide along 
each other's shelves and plates 
and rocky granite outcrops 
as if in massive intercontinental shifts

and then together as humans of the rest 
we lift the entire race to mountains of the best 
as we really do find it in ourselves to forgive 
before the coffins of each of us should bid the quiet farewell 

just love then just love my love 
just seeing how it might be forever 
for it's the unending story of this i see: 
the love of this man for the woman of his dreams