on #loneliness (NOT in #sweden)

i discovered a place this year 
like cs lewis 
once built in narnia 
where bad still existed 
but good was predominant

it wasn't a place i felt lonely at all
but a country 
and society where 
whatever befell me
i knew what call to make 

back in my own homeland now 
i am cowed and frightened -- 
sad as can be --
of what next i must do 
because of this #loneliness i feel 

it assails my every hue 
and steals away my joy
and toys with my emotions 
as if i were a mouse 
in someone else's cattery 

and whilst it's all my fault
as the mental health nurse once told me
awakening from a drug-induced coma
he had surely 
administered by injection  

even so i sense it a waste of a life 
that could've been something ever-so- different 
where a wife had meant a joyful thing 
and society had managed 
to be more gladly expressed 

and where even my deep love of country
had finally been reciprocated 
so that steep hills of green 
and shallow graves in valleys between 
had led us all to value the other 

instead of this reality i now do face 
where no one cares to embrace my body
and everyone prefers to batter my mind
as if it were a childhood arse 
used by savage parent instead of kiss 

and so that's it:
another life gone down the tube 
which once was cathode ray and all
and now is always you you you 
never me me me ... at all