thinking-time being what counts now

a poem by mil williams

we've had a lot of thinking-time you and i
more than meets the eye
more than the time that leads 
to sighs of abandon perhaps 
or perhaps not at all

i thought to call you many a time
and instead wrote rhymes too many for sure 
but what i yearn for now really really do
is just some doing-time instead 
where it's seeing you and talking that's the done 

not being read (or not as the case may be)
but speaking head-to-head 
of things that occupy humans when good 
and feeling stuff that's real 
without too many fears of tribal versions  

that's where the thinking-time i've had 
in your absence and now without the shouting
has led me to and it's funny but it's true 
since what i know for sure is the case
is that all i want is to succeed in the personal 

because that's what should count not taunt
and little of what we did all this time was good
and blame if it exists 
was on my side just as much as all of yours 
for having touched as i did 

and for caring to sit only 
on thrones of proclamation  
instead of reaching out my hand
like we were a band of musicians 
who knew full well that only music bodes well

but thinking-time sometimes does it 
where doing-time clouds the mind 
and muddies the sentient parts 
of the brain's direct connectors to the heart  
to such an extent 

that we aren't what we once were 
but only because work seemed the key
and the life we lost 
because of all that rigour and optimisation
seemed much less than its real value 

and that's true it is for sure
and now i realise it so fine 
and i realise the truth of it all this evening 
being the truth of my love for you
this evening now seeming to be so clear 

because it's our brains dearest friend 
and because of our blood
not despite our blood 
that we understood each other so deeply
and so i realise i do 

that my love for you 
is constituted out of the fact 
we not only are of the same blood
but because of this fact and where it's at
we have absolutely exactly the same brain 

the one and the other
and together what's fun
in the happiest of wins 
is that we cannot be anything we are not 
and together we are more than a dot on a timeline

or a grain of sand on a beach
near dublin's fair estuaries 
where the liffey still flows as life itself  
and where first my brain encountered that recognition 
i so yearned for all those decades 

in the brain you have 
of fabulous diversity and capable humanity
which being nothing less nor more 
than the story of real love 
everyone would treasure 

and some might even measure 
but not me at all not me my friend 
because you are immeasurable 
and it's a fact and an end
and that's where it's all at

and why i will always now doff my cap
to these ladies of the most true
and these thinkers of the most wise 
and doers of unlimited strengths 
that wend their ways 

like these irishwomen of historical acts 
who never having given up 
find that the bitterness of a loss never redrawn
finds its eventual reward 
in a gain of astonishing consequence 

where the pain experienced
is finally replaced 
by a pleasure as sheer as the cliffs of the west 
and where the affection and admiration 
of a blood more burnished than a fairie's gold

is good as it ever was to hold 
like that day we hugged ever so briefly and yet so long
because what we saw wasn't just the cousin in the other
but a bosom soul of the kindest and most clear 
in those few hours that we were verily near 

and it's true it is and now i see
that what we had that day 
was just being able to say and be understood 
without having to repeat or relate more than once
and just never twice ...

and so all i know now 
is that the professional will take me
away from where i was born 
but despite the fact that it's obviously not the norm 
i care more to mend and repair the personal with all 

if all are now ready to say this truth 
that whether we are angry or sad
or cruel or hard or mad or bad 
the family we are is as diverse as can be
and as the shiniest stars you ever did see 

and so this is what i want and this is where i go
to offer you all my hand and my soul 
whenever you wish this time to return me
the person you are and maybe now want to be 
both in equal measure and as equal treasure 

for whilst you may take the person out of family
difficult it is to take the family out of person 
and even when we struggle to accept each other 
one day quite fine 
i'll be your brother quite gladly 

and you'll be my sister too 
in couplets that rhyme beautifully 
as the moments we once measured
do honest and sincere become the moments we learn 
to treasure again ... without end 

mil xxx