the first year i figure since twenty sixteen when my birthday will be celebrated in a land quite distant from that which once i loved
the first year in seven when i shall be in the presence of people who actually like me instead of me pursuing foolish unreciprocation
the first time in so many times when my rhymes shall describe what i need not what i want because what i want is now what i need
this year my birthday on the 16th of june shall be celebrated in territories distant from its literary source
being that the land of course of hugely cultured people who bear grudges fabulously and never forget what must never be forgotten
and so this right now and this oh how is what i see as path to tread
because i realise as we all must do how life is short and you must go to where people choose despite their lack of knowledge of you
to serve and protect such interests as #sweden has and scope me a better way of being without that goddamn stupid strife
a land where buses actually serve a purpose and people speak with sharp intakes of breath as their language helps their voices dance on their bilingual vikingness
and in their careful observations they reach conclusions about a me i never saw until the day i trod their shores
and discovered a different way of one where failure no longer defines my truth and chances of victory begin to beckon and call
out loud and so proud and so wise and so grand that only a man like me may ever forget the blessings he received
because once upon a time it was you loved an impossible love it's true and still it's true that still you do but time is running fast and out
like sandy beach and dying whale and hugely massive human fail and knowing she never loved you ever
and knowing her country did everything it could to destroy your all ... and so seeing the fact that this violence against your person
had always been the aim from the very very start it's time to say goodbye to all that hope and build your new futures
on women and men of fabulous compassion and quite other ken: people who saved your life quite literally and gave you reason
to continue your duel with mighty pen against the swords of her countrymen and sometimes countrywomen too as you write to make a rightful #whirled
based on tech of human shape where you find a body who really does love you as you awake from sleep and where beautiful lips
kiss you alive each day and words of kindness make you relive the things you never had as if indeed you'd always enjoyed
and it's only left for me to say that today's the day my bloomsday birthday moves its ass sooo very fast from its country of birth
to the country where i now want to reside and find so deeply another woman who might love me as fine as i clear do wish may be the beginning and end of it all when we must
without the stealthy pall of horrible horrible spies that hurt me so futile and evil and cruel and then terrible wild and then quite beside
and then again and then like this left me quite without my self and left me even lacking all sense
that good was meant for me and mine when rhymes burst that time truly into flower on bloomsday two thousand and sixteen's hour
written by mil williams, 18th may 2023, ellesmere port uk
i was either ill at the time and she knew it and didn't care what's more knew what she was doing when she told me to embrace the lie as she did what's more perhaps put up to it by her state (not mine ... not any more)
or i wasn't ill and i knew what i was doing and both of us were radically in the wrong but either way the state did know and it either used her to deepen my sense of failure or it used me to embed a sense of distress
i can't be schizophrenic for the purposes of national security and responsible for my actions when faced with a monster like her
she had no diagnosis at the time and yet she was literally rapacious as they come: she told me she'd done the same to her husband and relished the coincidence in front of me and she had already informed me how my brother was rough in that department and did i mind he'd had the opportunity to be before i'd had the chance myself
and so curiously i said all i minded in this was only that when someone was with me it was me that someone was with but in the event she'd never been with me always been put up to it by a labour party awfully labouring the point: a man as i was, cogently against the stupidity of iraq in order that his witness be undermined deliberately by a security state she formed a clear and seamless part of in a northern ireland of aggressions multiple and multiple and various
so no: when i said i didn't mind if she'd been with my brother i didn't mind it at all but when she affirmed she'd be being with me all that time -- the four days in belfast in her marital bed -- she lied brazenly because paid brazenly by a state she preferred to be with, more than a lover she cared to lie next to, in order to destroy all future capacity of mine to fight back and tell my truth as it was and still is and will always remain
so listen up and listen clear because this is what i have to do because when stupid men threaten me with their stupid dogs on public transports for all it's time i firmed up my opposition to all the evil state managed to do and still delivers on all sides of politics and still delivers on all sides
and this is why because this is the key because it's possible to criminalise a state when its free and easy agents like her are the focus of the process you make happen out of two decades of pain
and so never truer or unkinder were the actions cruel she committed on my person to the extent she even sacrificed her son in full public view at john lennon airport just to make sure that my disgrace was complete
you were wrong when you said guilt that evening in dublin, c wrong about your mother and my witness: it wasn't guilt i felt around all of this but astonishment she felt absolutely none herself at all
at any time i say any time ever for so casually doing the state's bidding as she did
I wrote the below a few days ago then pulled it from the web.
But it’s what I feel, so now it’s what I repost on perhaps a better place: my own personal and lifework blog.
C … this is for you, obviously.
I’d like you to run everything day-to-day and operational I do in a collective future-present that clearly now approaches.
I’d like you to be COO.
I’d like you to use your immense experience and absolutely native intelligence not just to turn my ideas into reality but also to turn your ideas into reality. What we think is cool may therefore sometimes conflict.
So as far as where and how and why and what, even before we get to start, I’ll argue my preferences whenever I feel the need to … but as long as I sense the hearing you give me is fair, I’ll revert to your final decision always: and yes, with enthusiasm. Because that final decision has to belong more to you than me.
This for sure.
Please accept I’m serious now. Serious about what this means for me and demands of me.
Really. Really.
Yes.
Mil Williams, a few days ago …
But actually it’s not what I feel completely because it just talks about work. Maybe its absences say their piece, too; but only if you know our story well enough will they mean enough to mean anything this minute.
Really what do I most wish for?
Really, I’d just like us to start chatting again; just chatting and following lines of thought. I do love you deeply: so much so that it will only show itself from now on exactly as you prefer it to show.
That’s what deep love actually means: for the other on the other’s terms. And not for oneself, except insofar as the pleasure and joy of another becomes the joy and pleasure of oneself.
Not sacrificial, though; understand me this. My own family’s sense of sacrificial love’s value almost destroyed me.
So: not that.
But affectionate and warm, yes; forgiving and kindly; intelligent and forever … things like these. These things I feel profoundly about you, when it is you I am thinking of. Which — would you believe! — has never not been right now.
Not since that day, anyways. Not since that bridge.
“for you, obviously”
eternally grateful unending affection permanent respect infinite joy a heart of good a soul of gold a mind of the best which a man like me was ever honoured to trust
that’s the you i see and that’s what’s made me whole by your resilience of character and profound nature of true like an arrow to the target but really to the things that ensure life rings out brightly and brings all it can alive
and so then becomes all we could want without reluctance at all nor inferences to miss just the love of the pure and the pulsating certainty of this that the mettle of your deepest being is now just a beat away from me
i tasted cold coffee with soya drink just now and the memories of a campsite somewhere in austria maybe high up in the mountains where summer green was all around and showers stopped automatically and buttons had to be repeatedly pressed and the early morning drifted smells of bacon grill and more and the milk was uht 'cos it had to be it just had ...
so all this came drifting back to me and all this was sharp as nines and all this was in my head just how and right now is when i remembered with fondness the trials and tribulations and real pain of being my mother and father's son
because mostly it was pain: slashing tongues which fast cut me to the quick nailing me to the spot like hammer hitting out and lashing me with criticisms of everything i tried to make emerge from me
and so only this minute do i begin very slowly to do the things i always wished to do and be the man i never was and grin to love not grin to bear and find at last in human relations the right to enjoy myself full fair without recrimination or disapprobation or disapproval of some religious scriptures: what hurt me so all those years ago and still on occasions serves to actually destroy my soul
and so now i don't care what he might think because now he's passed and is in his clink and she meanwhile reveals herself as authoritarian body of dictatorial mouse: scampering around and making all silent and then patting down the violences of them both
for the passive-aggression he imposed on my child was fully enabled by her actions of default and whilst i was younger and felt myself deeply the blame of just being there and occupying a space which was never to be mine in the end it's true i've had this life of falsehood and in the end it will be TRUER you and me or me and another or whomsoever i shall finally meet in joy and daily grandeur when heads hit pillows and the mellowness of affection turns into for a moment no longer the passions of terrible and bloody rejection for my brain is a magdalena and my memories are beginning to heal
Today I had a brief video-chat with someone positively predisposed to the idea of #intuition. He even saw it as bordering the mystical. He was Indian. Indians love #intuition, it’s true. But #it-#tech Indians have caveats they all seem to share. This is something I have seen before: real deep trust in human #intuition’s capabilities but a real distrust in any chance of ever validating it usefully.
This man is also involved professionally in #it-#tech. When I gave him four examples of how not all #tech had chosen to diminish human beings in the field of non-traditional #datasets, he was still unconvinced.
The four templates we should look to when validating #intuition:
Example 1: the #film-#tech industry from its beginnings over a hundred years ago has decided to almost always amplify and enhance existent human abilities: more voice with a microphone; keener vision with a camera; greater expressiveness with the language of close-up. And in so doing it’s made billions, perhaps trillions, in the paradigmatic century of its total cultural dominance.
Example 2: in my younger years video was not admissible evidence in the #criminaljustice system of my homeland. Now it is. What changed to put in the hands of #lawenforcement and #justice’s stakeholders and subjects this tool to eliminate procedural waste so dramatically? We didn’t change any #justice system: we just introduced new tools to validate video evidence, so that the hidden knife in the real life holdup was proven to have been used via a validated electronic cousin.
Example 3: the detective who just knows that someone is lying in an interrogation may be wrong too, on occasions; but often they all too accurate. Yet it then takes due process months, maybe years, to arrive at the same conclusion. What if we could validate — not prove right but decide definitively (as the #video example above now allows us to much more speedily) whether in truth MAYBE wrong but ALSO maybe right — so that this detective’s #hunch would bring about a conviction (or release) of the most adequate?
Example 4: I then suggested to my interlocutor that we should come up with a new 9/11 before it strikes us again. Here, I suggest we learn how to reverse- or forward-engineer bad human thought, so as to stop it in its tracks, with the most #creativecrimefighting you could conceive of:
But not the “when” or “who” of what is already being planned out: in these cases, machine automation operates really competently on the basis of existent #lawenforcement and #nationalsecurity #it-#tech data-gathering processes …
Rather, I mean to say here the “what” and “how” of an awfully #creativecriminality. And I say this because 9/11 was a case of where assiduous machines which humans used conscientiously, and in all good faith, were roundly beaten by horrible humans who used machines as extensions of themselves terrifyingly well: being the case, therefore, of simply not supporting existent habits of #creativecrimefighting (because detectives can be immensely creative already in tussling out narratives that explain otherwise insoluble crimes) with conventional #it-#tech choices and strategies that absolutely do NOT since time immemorial care to foreground and upskill human #intuition.
What happened next and, maybe, why:
When I said to my interlocutor that these four examples surely served as robust precedents and templates for proceeding to validate #intuition and #crimehunch insights just as deeply, as well as to an equally efficient end … well, this was when he veered back to talking again of #intuition’s impenetrable workings. “Yeah,” he was saying, “intuiting is great process … but don’t dare to untangle it.”
And it’s funny how those who work in an industry — that is, #it-#tech — where the richest of its members are incredibly wealthy on the back of their particular and often mostly privately privileged visions of how the future must become … well, that these wealthy individuals then, and similarly equally, find themselves incapable of conceding that such a profoundly value-adding activity for them should have its own wider validation systems for usall. Why? Well. In order that EVERYONE who could care to might acquire a distributed delivery of similar levels of genius-like thinking: what I have in fact called the “predictable delivery of unpredictable thinking”.
I’d like us to create software, wearables, firmware and hardware environments where not only a select few can enjoy being geniuses, but where we all have the opportunity to be upskilled and enhanced into becoming value-adding, natively intuition-based thinkers and creators:
Attached below, just one small application we might develop, using existent architectures — not the particular ones I think more appropriate for truly deep #intuitionvalidation, where we conflate admin/user in one #datasubject — and with a proposed 100-day roadmap to demonstrate that the beautiful insight I had more than a year ago is actually, honestly, spot-on:
1. That #intuition, #arationality, #highleveldomainexpertise, #thinkingwithoutthinking, and #gutfeeling are potential #datasets as competent as #video suddenly became when we believed finally its validation was a real deliverable.
2. That all the above all-very-human ways of processing special #datasets actually contain zero #emotion and even less of the #emotive when it’s their processes we’re dealing with. And that when they do EXPRESS themselves emotionally it’s out of the utter frustration which the driver and #datasubject of such #intuitive processes suffers from as a consequence of the fact that no one at all, but NO ONE, in #it-#tech cares to consider #intuition and related as #datasets worthy of their software and platform attentions.
So out of frustration I say .. but never the intrinsic nature of such #intuitive patterns of collecting #data and extracting insights which people like that detective I described earlier do believe sincerely in, when driving the most mission-critical operations of #publicsafety of all.
One observation I need to add as per the following updated sverige2.earth homepage — Ireland and Liverpool UK may now form a co-location for Workstream A with its associated AI innovation (though not invention) processes:
As you can see, Irish-located big-tech would provide circular-economy hardware lifecycle delivery and management, whilst the cloud that would sit behind an agnostic cloud management services dashboard, also located in Ireland, would itself be located in the Nordic versions of US big-tech cloud services.
Finally, in this first corporate relationship, the responsibility for AI innovation (though not, as already observed, invention) would be that of existent Liverpool AI organisations and institutions.
*
Meantime, I’ve finally been on the serious hunt for a funding flexible enough to allow me to locate in two or three countries without being imperiously tied to one. The latter has always been my objection to the UK-based government funding streams I’ve been offered: zero intention to promote ties with other countries that don’t purely involve selling to them, with no collaboration contemplated at deep levels; no transfers of technology, knowhow, or business models; and nothing, really, that talks to me of open doors, whether intellectual, technological, or even simply business-related. And this was before Brexit.
As a result of all this, I’ve now found a funding-pot foreign to UK government and agency approaches which will, if awarded, allow me to capitalise on my existing UK-based ltd company structure, establishing myself in Ireland simultaneously for what I mentioned above already that I call Workstream A, alongside a filtered Workstream B; and then taking the next step to set up a Swedish AB as Holding and driver of the Intuition and Neurodiverse Thinking Lab I want to be my direct responsibility and end-of-life work, covering off the pure research and invention that will form the basis of Workstream C and Workstream D.
This funding stream I have applied for just yesterday would enable all of the above to be kickstarted into the life it should’ve had already years ago. And I now exclude no one: simply include everyone with starting-conditions I will be firm about, it is true; but that once agreed I have no intention of us changing, ever.
Below, then, as a flavour of the tenor of my thinking, the video I was asked to make for the funding submission described above:
sverige2.earth/canvas | two “business model canvas” drafts (the first specifies Ireland only, but I’m now inclined to include Liverpool UK as well in respect of AI innovation and repurposing)
there's one thing i'd like to ask you now because i know you read what i say and how
i know you can read these words before i ever post so that with these words i need just to write knowing you'll read them fine
and i know your mum is reading them too and i'm glad you are as well because if the cards i've chosen are the cards of my heart
then the cards when i gift them will restart three lives and maybe more: not only for myself and not only for the person i love the most
but also serving to make good and fair the pain we suffered rudely and maybe that ... yes maybe this and maybe ever so crudely too
and i care little now to attribute blame because blame doesn't fit the human spirit
as i see it: not when human it is and desiring of an embrace and a taste of true lips
and the hug of compassion and a laughter that never shames: just these sorts of things that bring us all into being again
and then once more manage to open the doors to ways of waking in mornings galore where wanting to do so is easy as pie
and wry scornful actions no longer pepper our days and the grimace of hurt is left fabulously in the lurch
as we realise that true expressions of love repair and renew and heal ever so fine if given the chance to emerge from their dens
and lairs and burrows of hidden sorrows: because this is what i want and not from tomorrow
this is what i want to say right today to both of you too it's absolutely true: thank you in a way that is as irish as can be for making it all finally possible
that true love may happen: no longer sacrificial in any way but just as an open-handed life that loves itself and its possessors as equals
and so once again with both i say the persons i hurt so many times for real and the persons i meant no harm to in any way that here's the truth beyond my desires
in no way did i strive to make them higher: true love is what it says and it would have been easier it's true to fall in love with someone else
and not in love with you but i didn't choose to love you this way because i thought it tool of hate and although it all seemed planned so clear
the first in my mind was not to take vengeance on the prior: not in this way was it my intention nor even serving the purpose of obsession
because now as i feel it and sense it so deep the only thing i regret in all of this was my impropriety when this heart did love and finding myself incapable of discretion
and choosing to use my words in poems everyone detested: and so if anything i can manage to make right and now
i'd like it to be to chat with the both of you and how and show you that life can be beautiful and good when a table and food and a predisposition
on all sides to learn from the hurt of the past so the passed it does become and finds itself replaced firmly
with the hand and hug of friendship long: never lost again to the anger of all that because as the man i now do slowly become
it's my hat to two irish ladies of the very best there've ever been i wish to tip and salute in this truth as i mentioned above in love:
friendship beyond everything because this is it and this is fine and this is grand and grander than all and this ... why ireland (it's true)
my capacity to have a decent homelife is NOT going to be the issue here.
your capacity to upturn paradigms MUST be.
we don’t deserve another ukraine.
you’ll enable one by blaming my imperfections for not taking a decision on this.
#truth
oh, and i go with governments and their defence infrastructures, not governments and their security. not even governments and their “chosen” tech partners. i’ll vet the latter myself, too: now i will.
my rationale in all this?
1. security is more often than not reactive — responding to enemy actors as they act. it also gets completely engaged by the espionage of uncertainty. it may be right when it does; it often gets enchanted in terrible ways, however, which may mean it doesn’t know fiction from fact.
2. defence as a mindset when effective is ESSENTIALLY strategic. cleanly so. cleanly.
i want cleanly and geopolitically “strategic” for this: delivering the longitudinally robust measures that arc over relatively short democratic cycles in order to ensure that putinism and the like don’t prevent the ongoing flourishing of western democracy as we desire it.
and what that is i’m not going to be prescriptive about — it’s a matter for wider debate.
but what happened in the uk when security allowed the russian oligarchs (putin) to control the conservative party, perhaps over decades without taking a single measure against, and even when this party was in government, should not be able to happen anywhere in europe.
mi5 said around 2017 that it could ringfence high-level chinese tech at the heart of its new comms infrastructure. even the conservative backbenchers, who were friends of putin & co, couldn’t stomach such an idiotic assertion. it didn’t happen: not because security changed its mind, though; rather, because politicians just decided they wouldn’t allow.
my thesis is that defence, meanwhile (even — and maybe particularly — uk defence) would never have contemplated the foolishness in the first place.
so this is the “why” of my rationale: i want defence organisations clear about the enemy always, and operating under sophisticated democratic cultures more than laws, but laws of course as well, to protect our democracies longitudinally from putinism and the like, and from the chinese and others too.
that is, to arc over our democratic cycles and protect their integrity as deeply as possible. to make it possible for a ukraine, battled back fiercely and finally into europe’s core, to one day soon enjoy the same democratic cycles as the rest of us. and for russia et al NOT to buy their way into the heart of any western democracies ever again. neither overtly with football clubs and property to launder its dirty money, nor stealthily by the gaslighting of emerging social and political notables of any age, culture or belief system that complies minimally with our treasurable desires to deliver tolerance and acceptance of every human being we are.
not russia. not china. not uk security. but maybe, just maybe, democracy’s defence organisations everywhere.
following on from my previous post today, a reflection or two which i want to represent my future … and if you agree, our future … and if you all agree, all our futures …
realising why you couldn't be you makes it time to start anew and knowing the crime committed by them shouldn't make them not you at all because the struggle to fight right escapes us in the night where the dark barks back at us instead of harks to deeper lives and so one day it's true even when lifetimes are lost the cost of not showing we accept we are the same produces the insanity that rules our worlds right now
so all i can suggest is that forgiveness does entrust the forgiver with perhaps the only power existent on this earth where in its exerting we cannot do ill for nothing comes close to the bitter pill of reliving over and over the alternative state of pain and stuff
i turn a page then not if you do too but with you if you care to also also if you do and so my conditions are now nowhere found for i've lived my life and this was how and all i want for me at least is to know right now that love exists
mil's page 