mil's page

on effective accelerationism — and why … just no!

we prefer to close our eyes to dead babies blown into pieces by shrapnel our companies make, so we can have taxable events that lead to good roads and hospitals on the backs of such crimes, than actually consider that — as all of this is true — it might be much better not to be a part any more of this thing we used to call life.
mil williams, 2nd january 2024, stockholm sweden

the problem wasn’t hitler: it was the ordinary german-speaking citizens, business leaders, sports enthusiasts and professionals of the same, and other members of the german and supporting foreign political classes, both of the time and since, who gleefully enabled his rise to power. all in the service of money.

the problem isn’t putin: it is the ordinary russian citizens, business leaders, sports enthusiasts and professionals of the same, alongside so many other members of the british, european, and other political classes of other nations, who have, as a consequence of their action or inaction, wilfully enabled not only his rise to but also his permanence in power. all in the service of money.

the problem won’t be trump: it will be the ordinary citizens, business leaders, sports enthusiasts and professionals of the same, alongside other members of the global political classes of other nations, who will have, as a result of their action or inaction, wilfully and knowingly enabled his rise to and ongoing permanence in power. all in the service of money.

and so the problem isn’t them: it’s never been them. the problem is all of us who prefer to pay a mortgage and get to the end of the month rather than stop a war in its tracks. we prefer to fuck a partner every saturday than construct a civilisation made of good people. we prefer fireworks and instagrams to real works of charity. we prefer to close our eyes to dead babies blown into pieces by shrapnel our companies make, so we can have taxable events that lead to good roads and hospitals on the backs of such crimes, than actually consider that — as all of this is true — it might be much better not to be a part any more of this thing we used to call life. all in the service of money.

and when a terrorist organisation sets up a society where it is both military and health service in one, where it shields itself behind a longitudinal tech- and social network-driven gaslighting, and inevitably provokes a people, who have suffered unimaginably throughout world history, into acts of revenge no one could reasonably have expected them not to commit, is when we just don’t care. we actually just don’t care:

• gb2earth.com/revenge

because we always ask our friends if they are ok when they are not. we never quite manage to do so when the opposite is to all intents and purposes how it appears.

and we always attend to violence when the bruises — whether mental or physical — are finally visible. we never do when they are still hidden.

and we only intervene when it’s necessary to protect our legal reputations, and never when it’s the ways of being and enjoying this thing we once rightly called life are imperilled.

that is, we only ever do shit when it’s to pick up the pieces. we never ever strategise — ever.

except that … some people do. the bad people. the hamas sort of types. the trumps. the putins and their hangers-on, whatever country their wealth delivers allegiances from. the hitlers and their chums.

and so this is NOT the world i can support. and i really do NOT go beyond today. not as your journeyman in superficiality at all. no sir. absolutely not.

yes, it’s true: you have been free to, meanwhile, and will continue to do so. and that may be good for your children and families who — when all is said and done, acting in blissful and self-righteous ignorance — SHALL get to the end of the month. but my end of the month is today. and i refuse now to go any place beyond in such a way, any more.

i have spent my life fighting for the good of all. whilst everyone else fights for the good of the small. and in this sense there is nothing to reproach. neither in your approach nor mine.

but you can’t ask me to continue to ignore what is manifestly true: ukraine is — and continues to be — our fault, because we are superficial in everything we do. nazi germany was our fault all along — even down to the social environments that predisposed the burning of books. trump is a direct consequence of the kind of big tech in facebook, cambridge analytica, and related, that we have not only consented to but deeply embraced — because of our inability to go beyond the next personal brand. and hamas happened under the very noses of technology corporations’ deepest total surveillance strategies, simply because we have all this time refused to reflect enough — and far prefer to interject shabbily and usually to facile end instead.

• gb2earth.com/primacy

it’s how it is.

it’s not my way of living.

it’s not a good enough reason to die, though. i really have no intention of dying because you are too insanely weak to engage in this world in a way which would ennoble you, and protect babies from shrapnel, and lead to health services that were about health and not about the enrichment of surveillance corporations and cloud companies and ai organisations of the most broken.

it’s just not where it is, is it? it’s just really not where any of us should be.

but you are: you are directly to blame — in your inaction — for what has already happened to our democracies; and for what is happening right now; and for what is about to happen from this year onwards.

it’s not the billionaires who dream, in their effective accelerationism, of thousands of years of pain for the populace whilst they enrich their deep deep pockets.

no. they’re not to blame.

it’s we who agreed, for example, that search was cool all those years ago, as it gutted the business model of the very institutions and organisations of investigative journalism that would’ve prevented their brutal simplicity being imposed on our far more interesting minds all this time.

we could have argued the nature of their change actually wasn’t inevitable: we preferred, however, instead to satnav our brains into inabilities and easily monetisable dependencies that ensured we became less and less human as the years passed by.

so this is not my way.

i cannot live. i cannot die. i cannot survive. i cannot thrive. i cannot watch ukrainians being blown to pieces. i cannot bear the toxic and abusive ability hamas have demonstrated to twist the historical narrative so savagely. i cannot watch my own country destroy, in the name of extreme privilege, what was once a mother of something really worth treasuring.

i cannot watch this and do nothing. and i cannot watch this and do anything.

so this is now my request: can someone do the deed i need done on my behalf? i’d be happier, if at all possible, for it to be a convincing accident that randomly ended a life of no interest.

it would be much better, then, for those who were left and who clearly prefer instagram and interjection, and to believe the nature of change is inevitable.

so is that too much to ask?

i really think it no longer is …

oh.

and a happy new year 2024.

ps it’s not money that’s at the root of all evil. you did know this, right? it’s love of money … love.

that’s right.

love …

it’s not the billionaires who dream, in their effective accelerationism, of thousands of years of pain for the populace whilst they enrich their deep deep pockets.

no. they’re not to blame.

it’s we who agreed, for example, that search was cool all those years ago, as it gutted the business model of the very institutions and organisations of investigative journalism that would’ve prevented their brutal simplicity being imposed on our far more interesting minds.
mil williams, 2nd january 2024, stockholm sweden

aside

and a love at first sight

a poem by mil williams

there's a love at first light
and it's when you've been 
closer than anyone ever 
expected 

there's a love in the night 
when the bedding is ready
and pillows embrace 
the race to sublime 

and then there's the love 
at first sight we knew 
when you wanted to meet me 
and i fell heels over head

because you just said hello 
and that's all it took
and you hugged me quite briefly 
and up close i saw your dear dear face 

and i know it shouldn't be 
and if it should it shouldn't be me
but my 2024 
would be perfect and true

if finally i and you 
could be one couple
and beautiful pair 
in a place where love 

could be in the air 
and where this could easily also
be that nation where life is valued
like no other i have known ...

so if these rhymes 
may convince us now
that you and me together 
are where our future lies

please contact me sooner than later
and definitely not at your leisure 
because i am sadder than sad 
without your lovely hand in mine 

and a sofa that cuddles us 
and a view to our right 
that reaches right out to
a sky quite at night 

where dancing nature 
and human flame 
and gold-lit stars 
proclaim right now  

that you and me 
are clear as clear 
that if they want to be 
our future friends

the love of love 
is where they'll be 
when they think 
of exactly what 

we have chosen 
to become
after years and years
of being apart 

from home of homes
we once wanted to belong 
and if we both might duly wish 
where now we shall quite wondrous live

definition, design philosophy, rationale

On choosing to be a servant not an enforcer

I am minded to write this poem because of a small and discreet event I attended at Liverpool John Moores University, one evening some years ago.

The event was given by a chief constable of a nearby north of England police force.* The standout stat I remember he offered us was when he wanted to contextualise what differentiates the average experience of a police officer with the average experience of a democratic citizen — and perhaps, in so doing, making it easier for both sides to be less opposing and more conciliatory.

Most citizens, he said, experienced 10 to 11 “life events”: what he meant was serious incidents such as witnessing the horrible injuries of others, maybe their violent passing, one’s own experiences of near-death, and/or perhaps the death of a family member or close friend.

Then he asked the collected audience what they thought the stat was for the average police officer. Not even the attending officers themselves knew how to hazard a guess.

The figure was 400.

It sank in. He let it sink in slowly and quietly, too.

It will never be forgotten.

That is how much the average police officer suffers. And wherever they individually choose to remain servants of the citizenry, not enforcers of the same, is when we have the very best of our societies standing rightfully to attention in front of us.

Just this.

Have a safe day.

(And just that.)

* I also recall the fact that I was once very firmly informed by a community police officer in a suburb of Chester, UK, that whilst the public liked to see the British police as a service, the British police never see themselves as anything but a force.

“the 400: a poem about service”

i was told one evening

by a chief constable near where i lived

amongst an audience of people good and free

that 400 was the number

which for the rest of us was 10 or 11

being life events

that break our souls

and make us weep with heaps of tears

like babbling brooks

when nothing’s then right

and all is then took

and life is then no longer worth living at all

and this chief of big team

was the kindest of souls

and he knew how to roll with the times and the goals

but equally he was clear

what should be made more clear

and this was that police and citizenry both

needed to come closer

not as yoke of law

nor as harness of tough

but just as two parts which completed a whole

and so his view of policing

and of law enforcement proudly served

i’ve found in very few places since then

and how

but where i have seen this

is where i am now

which is sweden and stockholm

and where they really must take a bow

and here i have seen

that policing is a team

but where force doesn’t define

the many first few steps

and only kicks in when a blue line protects

the service which otherwise

inscribes the good deeds

of a law enforcement and policing philosophy

designed specifically

to deliver a broader humanity

via a society engineered and scoped

to improve what we do to each other

as human beings seen as such

rather than automatically

as monsters capable of horrendous touch

and so this is what really floats my boats

much much more than relationships

of a personal sort of love that deludes

because what i need

and what i want

is much much less than to quantify the affection

that baldly a person might feel for my person

and much much more to qualify the ways

we should be treating ourselves society-wide

hiding from nothing

and fearing absolutely no one

as we relearn to live

with the kindest heads and hearts

and so i say

and so i say i may

that love of people is a service not a force

and law enforcers who prefer to serve us fully

are worth their weight in gold all told

and so these are the places

where really i want to live and work

and have the deepest of friends and colleagues

never lovers or wife or anything more

because my focus from now on in

is the health of my civilisation

and the democracies i want us to repopulate

as every step we now must take

involves us just choosing … to do good

aside

“this thing called xmas / that child of light”

My final #poem, this time on the occasion of #xmas itself …

Have a safe and good one if you can, and even if it’s not possible, believe in good in ways I never could … and therefore never did.

"this thing called xmas / that child of light" 

xmas time 
is rhyming slang
for longtime loves
and things so fine 

that rarely get 
an airing right 
and never mean 
we hold quite tight  

a loved one cool
and then again 
without some broken 
unvoiced when 

the meaning of it
all right once  
being fun and toys
and coloured bright

and such delights
of pleasured heights
and valleys and tales  
of snowed-in dales 

which so often mean
we miss the best 
and simply sense 
these memories of the rest 

but in truth what's real 
ain't what we live
but actually what 
we may one day relive

because facts and data 
really aren't the mater
of seeing what's real
about being good humans

and although we feel
when things unreel
that frames per second 
are where it's at

in fine reality
our deep humanity 
lies in what remains 
when the day does not 

and when in our darkest 
nights of all 
we reencounter 
what always befell

all people on earth
of goodly disposition 
whatever their faiths 
and even when 

they found themselves 
firmly up against 
the ideas that wrench
and sometimes wreak

like heavy teak 
or maybe oak 
of sad times historical 
stained as when

we then all awoke
to morning-time 
when all was cold 
and white and lined

with wrinkled cheek
and kisses brushed 
and lips that touched
and eyes that shone 

for it's not 
when we die
that everything is gone 
but simply this other time  

when none of us 
remember what it was like 
to be that child 
who loved the light ...

aside

Things you just don’t, either

There's things you can do
and things you just don't 
because if you did 
you'd have to hide 
and once you hid
you'd never have lied more 
than that day you found you'd hid at her door

And whilst I'm still unsure 
and the door in question 
remains half ajar 
I'd not tarry I don't think
in the blink of an eye 
which caresses 
what it espies when looking forward to you 

And so now my insecurity 
belies my other 
erstwhile uncertainty: 
I've lived my life 
without a wife 
as well as I could  
ever have done

That's all it's been 
and all I saw
and then today I'm really happy 
and all up for
a SAPPY review 
of you and me 
and me and you 

And equally time
to rhyme the end
and equally lines 
we read between 
and equally things 
we just don't either 
except, that is, when yes we do

And then 
it's clearly me and you 
and then
it's obvious: never true 
and then it's never less than us
because it's time 
we began to trust ...

aside, definition, rationale

now comfortable WITHOUT others / the BOSUN’S pieces of infinity / no longer your necessary brother AT ALL

I’ve been thinking a lot this year about my life. I’m now 61: an age at which one of my two favourite writers one day took his own life. This being Hemingway.

I love Hemingway. He’s himself. Grace under pressure. Whatever the reasons. And grace under pressure was the way he wrote his prose. A pressured prose, and yet so graceful. Graceful despite the pressure, never because of it.

I’ve lived a life of similar pressures, though grace was rarely my discourse. Lately a tad more. And I’ve been wondering why this, too.

I spent many months, on and off, in Stockholm Sweden in 2023. I learnt a lot from a culture which my own — British — had never been able to accurately prepare me for. We have a lot to learn from the Swedish way. Really we do.

A tangible outcome was this site:

• sverige2.earth

I then went back to the UK for a longer period from August on, and so began to process all that learning.

More recently I created the following site as I looked to transfer Swedish ideas and concepts and ways of thinking into a British context:

• gb2earth.com

I took advantage of this impulse — and it took me a while to settle into it and feel safe enough to deliver on it — to also bring together a whole bunch of historical online whitepapers which audit my progress in the ideas I have had around intuition validation since at least 2016, but probably since my first university degree in the early 1980s when I had studied Film & Literature:

• gb2earth.com/truth/homepage

Part of the reason I began to feel the UK was starting to respect me — instead of wishing to do me harm — was because of a place called Storyhouse in the northwest English city of Chester: modelled I felt (and then had later confirmed) on the Stockholm Kulturhuset: one of my favourite places to be in the Swedish capital.

I felt safe enough in Storyhouse to be able to begin to want to reengage with my homeland really profoundly.

So.

All good thus far.

The final part of my life, and my thoughts around it this year, involves the increasing number of people in my close and wider family who are submitting to and getting successful assessments of differing kinds of neurodiverse ways of being.

In 2003 I was ridiculously diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic. I had already begun to suffer from epilepsy at the age of ten; though whilst living in Spain, and between the ages of 30 to 40, I was completely — and successfully — unmedicated for the condition.

Meantime, in that same decade and after my misdiagnosis, a member of my family was diagnosed with autism, level 1 — then called Asperger’s. On my Croatian side, such cases were already apparent. Then another relative was diagnosed with bipolar within a few years of my misdiagnosis. Honestly, I think hers was also a misdiagnosis.

From the 1960s onwards, one parent had suffered from clinical depression, whilst the other had experienced severe migraines and clear traits of autism/ADHD during their whole lifetime. More recently, this year in fact, two close members of my family have been positively assessed and medicated for ADHD, and yet another case of autism, level 1 has been uncovered.

A couple of members of this tribe I belong to now feel I should request a reassessment for ADHD, too. I’m in two minds. My original psychiatrist clearly made a mistake. After three years (ie, 2006 in my case) it became impossible to argue clinical negligence. I’d still be up for bringing a case of criminal conspiracy to court, but maybe I now have better things to do with my time. Either way, it’s pretty self-evident my family are brainy.

That’s how I now prefer to see myself: neither schizophrenic nor ADHD, nor autism nor anything else. Just brains in abundance.

What I am looking for now, after all these years of strife and denial, is the opportunity to put my brains properly to work in terms of my ideas re intuition validation, complex thinking, and in respect of being able to work on tools to deliver secrecy-positive thinking-spaces where an absolutely free thought can begin to enjoy its flight.

From a deep love of Hemingway and grace under pressure to secrecy-positive thinking. And a chance to stop the Putins of this world … forever.

Yeah?

And so to the poem that follows: it’s a visceral review of some of life’s most insoluble problems.

How complex and fractured family groupings come about when people refuse to ask for help; refuse for their whole lifetime to not believe it’s someone else who’s the problem.

Just what happens when the concept of the scapegoat as a narrative figure becomes the easiest tool in order to structure a network of individuals.

Just this.

Have a really safe Christmas … and the happiest New Year possible.

And do take care.

now comfortable WITHOUT others / the BOSUN’S pieces of infinity / no longer your necessary brother AT ALL

i spent my life 
as eldest of my family
being the glue 
that meant i wasn't as i could've been

i had to be 
for every sibling and cousin i had
the very best sounding-board 
they ever could have EVER had 

understanding in all respects
accepting all their holes of dark 
seeing as absolutely and utterly fair 
the roles i was assigned so stark

like lairs and dens
of the dragons and monsters 
some of them have been to me 
and you really wouldn't ever believe 

what i have actually seen
and what i have actually witnessed 
and suffered to the extent 
they intentionally drove me mad 

and so all this time 
i found it hard to do more than rhyme
in order to survive 
the cruelty of my 61 years 

visited on me 
and imposed on me 
and painted on me as if into a corner around
my every boundary and residual sound 

as never could i set my limits
and find in time the core i needed 
and just be me for me at all
and avoid the funeral pall 

of man and son 
and father and brother and lover and done
nailed brutally and abusively 
to the cross of quite another 

and so after all that 
it came to 2015  
and all i could do 
was scream silently to myself 

and everyone thought 
again he's going mad 
or maybe he's just bad 
and maybe that was it

when really what it was 
this thing i began to do
was realise that their VACUOUS holes 
like gruyère cheese

had prevented my mentioned core 
of apple-like pleas
ever forming contentedly
so that all i knew how to do 

all this time 
for 53 years of foolishness too
was to impale myself like stake to a soul
in such a way

that their very real madnesses 
appeared mine all that time

and maybe to this day 
most would still find it easy to say 
that what they did to me in 2003
as my whole family stood aside 

and let me suppurate 
as incarcerated foully 
by a state of extreme and vicious cruelty 
and how it did so 

and how it was so
neither good for them nor good for me
as no one ever let me be
neither in 2003 nor EVER since then 

and as my monstrous lover of 2004
then took me to her web 
of evil spidery claw
and the horrible things she then did and said 

as she treated me badly 
and without remission 
and did all those things to me
with zero permissions

i am reminded also 
of the techie folk 
who in 2002 in virtual sense
and right to this day in quite parallel way 

attacked me and my reputation it's true 
as they played their games 
with my achilles capacity for foolhardy hesitation 
for it's only the clever who ever wonder why

and only the foolish 
who can't find it in themselves 
to ever care more than a minimum expression  
for the lessons of an otherwise historical compassion 

and so then it's a fast-forward right to today 
and christmas 2023 does approach in its way 
and so now my son is adhd 
and then a sibling that other thing they say

and my parents both undiagnosed but surely it was true 
and my younger relations both clearly that and good
and even two others  
who claim to be hyper-sensitive

when really all they acted out 
was a fearsome them of brutal cold fish 
for all their multiple decades and years ...
and so we do come finally to the VERY first 

being me two decades before the worst 
when getting a diagnosis unbidden and unasked for 
and one of utterly beastly yore
as i was assigned a violent assessment

of a ridiculously inexact psychosis 
when if all the above
had come fairly to light first of all
then first i wouldn't have been without my core

and second the family 
both sibling and parental
and so wider and much more 
wouldn't have fucked me about

as they allowed me to die struggling on my feet 
drugged to the eyeballs 
by a country caring only to treat 
a clever man like myself 

as if i were an elf to be tossed baldly aside 
like evil mischief 
far and wide 
because dear cousins 

and siblings 
and children 
and wife and my life 
that's what you did to the man i should've been

whilst once i defended you all 
as i tried desperately 
to be that thing you all needed me to be 
when in truth the problem wasn't EVER me 

but people JUST LIKE YOU
who needed far more support 
than i ever would 
being far more support than a crutch to a cripple 

and so as we come close to 2024
i realise with joy in no way a trickle 
that i need care for none of you any more at all
because what was broken 

and splintered 
and hurt
was not my job you see
to make complete in the end even then 

because i was far less damaged all that time 
than you and yours and those you claimed were mine 
and i was far LESS incomplete 
and far less unseated

and far less nailed 
to that cross i mentioned before 

when talking of awful loss 
and the cost of not talking 
to each other as we might've done
and the idiocy of hiding 

behind the unassessed
and never embracing 
what actually you all were 
in respect of something that could have been 

a completely beautiful diversity 
to treasure and measure 
against all other benchmarks 
where humans do hark to a GORGEOUS eternity 

and so this is where i now 
found myself at last
with no right at all 
to cast any stones 

yet equally no duty remaining 
to ever help out 
anyone insane enough 
to want to stay 

as a member of this sad sad tribe
incapable of realising any of you in time 
that the very reasons 
you refused to defend me

were precisely the reasons why
you should've protected me
and precisely why no longer 
there's any point in my trying 

to work with and for 
absolutely any of you
in health and sickness 
or any condition left to me

nor in any kind of frame   
where being together
could've been a worthy test 
of a humanity hugged close 

to a seafaring bosun
of chests of mysterious 
pieces of infinity 
where once upon a time 

it was me that was seen 
to be the really crazed guy 
when it truth 
it's me who finds himself now catapulted 

into a place of truthfully righteous change
because family for me 
now irreversibly wanes 
as we all become 

as diverse as each other
thus meaning right on 
i am finally released
from ever being again your necessary brother

aside

you just KNOW when … AND what

you know that when you're the bad guy
and what this feels like
when one day 
you realise you're really not
and all your life 
has been a lie 
like a woman's body never was
and never sighed
and never signed up for contractually either 

that lie of the treasured
like a valley of souls
rolled into one 
and made entirely one
as reaching the winning-post 
like a dinner roasted at thanksgiving 
or a christmas feast to be followed 
by sandwiched leftover 
because this is what my life has been

just leftovers you might say 
and then again you may not 
because as i draw the picture
and shape the narrative
of what it's been like to be alive 
i refuse to revise 
what i saw and felt and did 
in terms that otherwise fail my truth
because for me there is nothing i love more than this 

nothing more than the truths 
i sometimes stumble across
like those stations of the same 
and those paths of the insane 
where we find ourselves socially constructed 
and criminally instructed 
to remain in the severest of pains 
for the rest of our existences 
able no longer to resist the abuses of such powers

where our nation-states 
should've protected us profoundly
of these layers of horrific inspecting introspection  
from which our capacity for free thoughts 
and thus our ability to sense joyous oughts
becomes merely the obligation 
of familial relationship 
instead of the real pursuit 
of that which might once have rightly suited us

and so that's it 
it is it really is 
and that's why we lose our intimate instincts
i mean those we were born with
and out of 
and into 
for doing good things by the others we meet 
and rather much rather 
prefer to that bullying of the opposing 

into opposing much more 
than should've been necessary 
and so this is how it became radically
and so easily 
cessation-free  
as all histrionics and hostilities became us madly too
like we were grinding our humanity
with the pestle and mortar 
of cannonballs galore

and so i do just wonder 
why it has to all be like this 
and why we can't build 
generation by generation 
on the achievements of the previous 
and why it's only INDIVIDUALS 
who grow from beginning to end 
in a trajectory that ennobles them always 
whereas the MASSES just muck us totally up

like the messages of hatred 
that intimidated our mothers 
and led our fathers to fields of blood 
where blood meant no brotherhoods were ever capable 
of yielding good any more 
and where life has become the survival of the very least fit
being those who chose finally 
to run the world 
into the deepest of pits

aside, definition, design philosophy, rationale

on being a FEARless CITIZEN / the dreams of those who dream the unreal / all i want this christmas

when you teach 
and reach out 
and don't preach but do advocate 
these certain ways that are different 
from all the differences everyone else sees
and accepts 
and may reject or not  
then i am not you 
and you are not me 

because what i am looking to do 
is change the "you and me"
we have been so far 
in humanity's historical charter 
of what is good 
and what is not:
i'm not prepared to settle any more 
for a relativism of core 
that destroys our capacity 
to construct good and bad 
in the measure they had 
once upon a crime 
and in rhyming couplets
that mean something deeper 
than a ditty of shitty superficial resonances 

i aspire to much more you see
because i believe 
we humans are built out of cruelty 
and good
depending on where we are stood 
and the challenge for me now
(and how it is 
this challenge i see 
how it is for sure)
is to make it possible 
for not just an individual 
to progress mighty and fine 
across the timeline of their person
but for the generations too
that they make up and inhabit true ...
... well ... that finally 
they may not need to reset 
and just about almost always reboot
what we know from one to the next 

because if the driver of humanity's improvement 
really is only ever 
the nonconformism of intelligent individual
where corporate-style teamworks serve simply  
to only implement and make real 
the dreams of those who dream the unreal
we need far more dreamers of the unreal
than we currently have 
if we are to survive and thrive 
quite outwith ourselves one day 
when FEARful prayer would no longer be needed 
to deities sometimes just 
and in equal measure as cruel as gruel 
at least in the "sometimes"
that history has loosened upon us 

and so all i want for christmas 
is just the sense 
that together
you and me
me and cee
(out of a love of the most real
even where not expressed ever 
for whatever the circumstances 
which present themselves 
as a present that is current 
as well as wrapped up 
like no gift ever given) 
we might just soon enough 
be tough enough 
to bring enough truth 
and compassion and firm resilience 
to the science 
of building the FEARless CITIZEN

because me and you
that's what we are
and what we've been
all these years 
they knocked us back 
like into a sack where good guys are tumbled 
by the really really bad
and dumped into waterless wells
(like we were rocks that don't ever get to)
and some these guys and sometimes gals
do no good 
but only stuff the neighbourhoods 
with more and more legitimated mafias 
of nearby cities and then again 
way beyond 

so it's now time we put a stop to it all my love:
time we said enough is enough 
and then did in consequential act 
what was needed and always has been
and that the rough guys 
who were never tough
but just cowards
and only apparently hard 
when possessed of the full knowledge 
no one could properly stop them ever 
nor stop their awful cruelty 
born of power's abuse and total misuse 
as they winged our beautiful civilisations 
over and over again 
like icaruses 
of a sun which should only have embraced
and instead was laced with poisons galore
by the criminals of yore
but also the mafias of RIGHT NOW

time i say
to make love where we can 
and as women and men
and genders-all
we make these calls to love as practised 
where humans communicate 
with fabulous exes 
that become the kisses 
which seal the real human deal ...

... and then when we meet people
who care not at all for all this 
it's time we became as firm as hell
and gave them bottles of their own medications 
as we salvage the reputations 
of every civilisation of good good hood 
into a future-present 
of neighbour "should"
and "want"
and "wish" being the most at this time of year
anyone has the right
to see delivered and given and handed over 
and no longer feared
no longer feared 
no longer feared ... at all


a world where it suddenly becomes
possible and practical
to rebuild
once more
the FEARless CITIZEN

aside, definition, design philosophy, rationale

heaven isn’t a place / art of the heart / the soul redeemed

because when you love unconditionally 
is when you arrive not at bill gates 
but at real pearly gates 
where your place isn't a state 
of vatican embezzlement 
but of true affection and amusement
and of honest kindnesses 
expressed like the best espresso you ever sipped
being your lips that day on dublin river 
and so this christmas i hope to find you on stockholm isle
and maybe we spend a while together 
where everyone can see us holding our palms out 
not in surrender or white flag 
but in the glorious colours of blue and yellow 
one a sanctuary from all that is bad 
and one fighting on behalf of us daily
by the minute and to the second 
never seconded from anything that wasn't a deep belief 
in the fact that putin is not mad 
but just entirely and completely bad 
without redemption and without ascension 
and only awaiting 
if some day a justice of a natural kind 
may be delivered duly:
the descent to the darkest embers 
of unending fires 

and so all that's being left for me to say
is how much i love you
and always shall 
and if you cannot show yourself now
or cannot yet 
or may not any more  
then there will always be a time 
i will find time for you 
when you can finally hold my hand again 
and make me the happiest man who ever walked this rock
proud and tall and amongst it all 
because that's what this is all about dearest soulmate of forever 
where our shared and intrinsic souls 
our fabulously intertwined souls 
become arts of the heart 
and our work then finds itself never-ending  

and our life is always of utility now 
even as distances make the kiss on the lips
quite impractical for the moment 
still one day 
we may one day say 
it's time to hug each other 
in beautiful lacy embrace 
NOT of the poison-laced juliet or romeo
but being just the moments when utterly chilled together 
on common sofa 
we end our days in an uncommonly handsome conversation 
of a meeting of minds and body
night after day
and in all our joyous beams not of foundation or construction 
but actually just of sun 
where your eyes glisten and shine with happiness 
and mine weep and sob 
as finally i am accepted exactly for what i am 
by the only woman 
who knew what made me right again 

just that state out there (if you're ever so lucky 
and if fortune blesses you 
and if your life is one of fortunate outcomes 
and not of war nor conflicts horrific)
but that state 
that one which makes you unconditionally beloved 
without further recourse to the cruel
and without further imposition 
of those gruels of incarceration i suffered 
once upon a crime 
but just a hand again 
a hand outstretched 
never clasping or grasping 
but compassionate and warm 
and slender-fingered 
and SO elegantly yours after all

and so i do await that moment 
one day in the near future 
when maybe soon 
and if not then 
well ... then maybe later
you may grace my presence 
and give me the notion and opportunity 
to remind you 
of all that you have meant to me 
and mean verily still
not out of illness or infirmity 
but simply the veracity of knowing 
the soul IS where it all lies 
in truth:
a very human redemption ... for us all

aside

on not being as old as they think / the universe’s toy

it's hard when you're younger than they think
it sinks you to see when they wink
amongst each other 
as bold as ass
when racing to the bottom of the pile 
that's exactly when it's harder than you'll ever know

they see a body not a mind 
because that's the world 
they've had themselves constructed 
out of code and software constitutions 
designed to infect with viral obfuscations 
the truth of the matter in question where lies are absolute rejection 

and it's harder still to be growing young
instead of growing old as most 
because younger people like to think 
they're younger than almost all other folk 
when in fact it's not your age that makes you old
but something else which involves not being bold 

because when you lose your bravura
is when you lose your cordura 
as the spanish would say wouldn't they 
yes they most certainly would 
and when you lose all that 
you might just as well be old hat for all i'd guess tbh myself 

and so this matter of growing young 
instead of more conventionally growing old 
has me sorely vexed 
i hate to say it does 
because if it were their choice they'd have me as the henchman
when all i ever wished was to be superman 

and so whilst my brain gets that much better
the people around me refuse to get it 
and all that's left for me to do
is to attempt to grow young gracefully at that 
for old is NOT my thing
and growing old NEVER my ring of dire necessity 

let this be the lesson then
of all that i say this morn:
remember that some of us do grow old i know it has to be
but equally others 
not so different from me
actually do find the lessons of life utterly enthusing and not rehusing at all 

all then that's left for me to say
is that i'm just a small man 
who's growing smaller by the day 
and in this fact i find absolute joy
because not for smaller 
do we become the universe's toy